The Gamble: Change of Heart Kristen's POV
by Lisa O'Brien
Summary: REPOST - What might have happened between Dawn Atwood's departure in the cab and Kirsten's announcement in the kitchen of the Cohen house.


"The Gamble: Change of Heart (Kirsten's POV)"

by Lisa O'Brien

Copyright September, 2003

SPOILERS: The Gamble

CLASSIFICATION: Coda

RATING: G

SUMMARY: What might have happened between Dawn Atwood's departure in the cab and Kirsten's announcement in the kitchen of the Cohen house.

DISCLAIMER: The OC, Ryan Atwood, Sandy, Kirsten and Seth Cohen and other characters mentioned in the story are owned Josh Schwartz, College Hill Pictures, Inc., Wonderland, Hypnotic and Fox Broadcasting. Without the wonderful work of Peter Gallagher, Kelly Rowan, Adam Brody and especially Benjamin McKenzie, the characters would be no fun for fan fic writers like me. No copyright infringement is intended, nor was any money made from this work.

ARCHIVE: Yes, as long as my name remains attached.

FEEDBACK: Will be responded to most gratefully.

THANK YOU: Thanks to Robyn at Devoted Fans Network for her hard work putting together a transcript of the episode. Without it, this story would have been weeks in the making.

**THE GAMBLE: CHANGE OF HEART (Kirsten's POV)**

The last thing Kirsten expected to see when she walked into the poolhouse was Dawn Atwood packed and ready to leave while her son slept. Dawn took off her sunglasses, then stepped outside with Kirsten, closing the door of the poolhouse.

Dawn set her backpack on the table and opened it to pull out a pack of cigarettes. "You mind?"

"Um..."

Dawn smiled wryly and put the pack away. "So, you caught me."

"You can't do this. You're his mother."

"I'm a mess, not a mother."

Kirsten wanted to tell the woman that one slip wasn't the end of the world. She wanted to tell her that her son loved her and that she was hurting him. It wasn't her place. "You have a responsibility."

"I'm being responsible. I'm not wired for this." Dawn's voice broke slightly. "I can't care for anybody else. I don't have what you got."

Kirsten stared at Dawn. The woman had been around them for two days. She had no idea what Kirsten had, or didn't have.

"The way your husband looks at you. And your kid looks at you. Even my kid." Dawn smiled bitterly. "Like no matter what, you're going to make everything okay. You hold your family together." Dawn's voice broke again. "I...tear mine apart."

Kirsten could see that this wasn't easy for Dawn. "You can't walk away."

"Why? This'd be the first good thing I ever did for him. This way, he ends up with a real mom." Dawn's eyes filled. "Take care of him, okay? He deserves it."

Dawn was picking up her backpack when the door of the poolhouse opened and Ryan stepped out. The look of confusion and then hurt on his face told Kirsten that he knew what was happening. His mother was leaving him again. Slowly, he lifted his hand in a half-hearted wave.

Dawn looked away from her son at Kirsten. "Thanks." She picked up her bag and walked away toward the front of the house. Ryan watched her go. Kirsten wasn't sure he even knew she was there.

When Dawn was gone, Ryan finally looked at Kirsten. The look on his face broke her heart. Silently, he turned and walked back into the poolhouse. If she'd been good at fixing things, she would've been able to convince Dawn to stay.

Kirsten was torn between the urge to comfort Ryan and the feeling that she was the wrong person to try to offer him comfort. She'd made Sandy contact Social Services to send Ryan to foster care. She'd insisted on finding his mother. She'd brought Dawn back into his life, only to have Dawn abandon him yet again.

After a minute of uncertainty, Kirsten followed Ryan into the poolhouse. He was packing the shirt and pants he'd worn the day before. He didn't look up at her as he shoved the last garment in the bag and zipped it shut.

Ryan looked up at her. "I should've known..." His voice caught. "She's never gonna change." He sat heavily on the bed and buried his face in his hands. His shoulders shook, but otherwise, he didn't make a sound.

Kirsten crossed to the bed and sat next to him. Silently, she put a hand on his back and rubbed it gently. "It's gonna be okay, Ryan." She started to promise to find him a good foster family, but didn't speak. That was the last thing he needed to hear. His mother had already hurt him enough for one day.

When Sandy first brought Ryan home, he was a stranger and it had been her job to protect her family from him. She'd felt bad that Ryan had been forced to stay at Juvenile Hall even after she'd made sure the arson charges against him were dropped. She didn't have any animosity toward him. The first thing he'd done was apologize to her and she'd believed that he was sincere.

Even when Kirsten had taken Ryan out of that place, she'd only done it because she'd witnessed what went on there. And she knew Seth would never forgive her if something happened to Ryan. She wouldn't forgive herself either.

The boy silently crying next to her wasn't a stranger anymore, though. She suspected that Sandy's court date had been a ruse to get her to spend time with Ryan. It had worked because during that time, she'd gotten to know Ryan and she'd realized that she liked him. He was a polite, helpful and smart kid, who'd had the kind of life she wouldn't have wished on her worst enemy. He was her son's best friend and probably his first real friend. He was a kid who had abandoned his dream of becoming an architect and settled for living until his next birthday.

Ryan's mother had just abandoned him for the second time and Kirsten couldn't send him away to live with strangers. Even when she'd been set on sending him away, he'd never been anything but polite to her. He seemed to be the only one who had understood her feelings and he was certainly the only one to respect them.

Ryan cleared his throat and swiped his eyes on the sleeve of his tee shirt. "Sorry," he said shyly, not looking up at her.

"I'm sorry, too, Ryan. Sandy told me you didn't want to find your mother. I should've listened to him." Kirsten gently squeezed Ryan's arm. "I thought she was trying -"

Ryan shook his head. "She's good at playing the game." He sighed. "It, ah, would probably be better to take me back to juvie before Seth gets up. Tell him 'bye for me?"

"I'm not taking you back there, Ryan." Kirsten gently rubbed his shoulder. "You'll stay here with us."

"I'm not your responsibility." Ryan ran a hand through his hair. "I'll be okay."

"No, you won't."

"What did she say to you? Whatever she said, just forget it. I was on my own even when I lived with her."

"This has nothing to do with what your mother said." Kirsten paused. "And it has nothing to do with pity or feeling sorry for you, so don't even go there."

"Then why?"

"Because I was wrong about you." Kirsten smoothed the tousled, sandy hair. "I didn't even try to get to know you and I'm sorry." She gently patted his back. "C'mon, let's go get some breakfast." She stood.

Ryan looked down at the floor. "What did she say?"

Kirsten took a deep breath, then sat on the bed next to him. "Sometimes parents do the wrong things, for the right reasons. When I wanted to send you away, I thought I was protecting Seth, but I was hurting him." She took his left hand in her right. "Dawn loves you, Ryan. She doesn't think she can take care of you." She squeezed his hand, then released it. "I can only imagine how much you're hurting right now. If you want to talk..." She stood and motioned to the door of the poolhouse. "Now, let's go get that breakfast."

"Thanks, but I'm not hungry."

"Then you can have toast and juice. Or a few handfuls of cereal out of the box." Kirsten smoothed Ryan's hair again. "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Skipping it isn't healthy."

Without looking up at Kirsten, Ryan stood and silently followed her out of the poolhouse.

Sandy and Seth were making toast when Kirsten stepped into the kitchen. Ryan followed, his head still down. He closed the door behind him with almost exaggerated caution.

"Hey." Seth nodded toward Ryan.

"Hey." Ryan's voice was quiet and a little flat.

"Where's, uh...?"

"Ryan's going to stay with us now," Kirsten announced.

"That's awesome...I mean, it's...that's...that's awesome, right? That's cool, um..." Seth cleared his throat. "Let's go talk about stuff. Come on." Seth led the way out of the kitchen into the den.

Ryan started to follow Seth into the den, then stopped and turned to Sandy and Kirsten. "I'll unpack later." The emotional pain was still clear on his face, but there was also a half-smile there that made him look like a little boy.

Kirsten smiled back at him, watching as he turned and went into the den.

"Well, there's a no return policy now. You know that."

Kirsten turned to Sandy and smiled up at him. "I love you, you know that? Are we okay?"

Sandy smiled and nodded. "Yeah."

"Good, 'cause we just got in way over our heads."

Kirsten turned and leaned against Sandy, watching as Ryan sat quietly on the couch, listening as Seth talked about being a good luck charm for Summer Roberts at Casino Night. As Kirsten watched her son chatter on and Ryan smile occasionally, she knew that no matter what other people thought, this was right. The Cohens were a family who had stopped drifting apart.


End file.
